Living in Memories

Living in Memories
By Kenneth Keyn

  Teachers of Seaside public schools had come to expect that, on the last day of classes, no child would be found in their classrooms. Most of the families in the small town had dedicated that day to going to the beach – though each had different reasons to do so. For example, Mary Johnson knew that her daughter would be leaving to spend the summer with her father, so she wanted to make sure they did something fun before she left. On their last day of high school, Ron Townsend had proposed to his wife, Elaine, on the beach and they went back every year with their children to celebrate.
  On this day, an older boy stood on a hill, watching the waves rake across the soft white sands of the shoreline. He had been anxiously waiting for this day. He could once again be free and enjoy life. He took a deep breath and ran as fast as he could into the waves. As he felt the wind pouring over him, he stretched out his arms – as if to embrace the first wave he found. With the violent softness of two downy pillows being hurled at each other, he hit the water. As he came up, he laughed and smiled brightly.
  A grin grew on the face of his mother, who stood on the shore. She loved to see her son with such joy. She had taught him to treat this day as a holiday ever since he was little. It meant so much more this year than it had before. Only five months ago, her husband had passed away. She was still torn with grief, but she tried to show none – hoping that she could shield her son from it. She could think of nothing worse than to put her burdens on her son. This day was to be as it had always been; sacred.
  The boy turned to look at his mother. As he smiled at her, a wave took him by surprise. She started forward and brought her hand to her mouth, but chuckled and smiled as her son came up, shocked and dripping, but in good spirits. He shook out his hair, laughed, and dived into the next wave. She stood looking at her hand. She still wore the ring that her husband had given her. As memories of his proposal and their wedding flooded her mind, a tear streaked across her cheek.
  This ring was to be given to her son when he was ready to get married. Her husband didn’t have enough money to buy a ring, but instead gave her the ring his mother left to him when she died. It was a thin band of gold with a diamond in the shape of a heart placed between two emeralds. Though it was old, it showed no signs of age and shone bright.
  She wiped her tears from her eyes and looked out to find her son. She squinted, trying to see him, but he was not there. A worried look overtook her face and she began to pace, looking everywhere for her son. Her breath quickened and her heart raced, not knowing what had become of him.
  “Will!” she called out, “Will! Where are you?!”
  “What, mom?” Will responded casually, as he stood next to her.
  “Oh, I didn’t know where you were,” she sighed.
  “I was just over there.”
  He pointed to a group of children playing Frisbee.
  “Oh, okay. I was just a little worried.”
  “Sorry, mom.”
  “It’s okay, just let me know next time you run off.”
  “Yeah, mom.”
  Will ran back to the other children and continued to play with them. This place seemed to be rather popular. The spot where they used to go each year was usually quiet and uninhabited. She didn’t feel ready to go back just yet. It would be too hard to stay strong for Will there. Too many memories to deal with. She planned to go back when she had some time to herself.
  She looked over to a group of people she assumed to be the other children’s parents. The gallery seemed to consist of faces ranging from mildly peaceful to hopelessly bored. She spotted one woman who didn’t look too bored and went to sit next to her. They exchanged glances and then went back to watching their children. Will’s mother felt nervous with the silence between them. Hoping to ease her discomfort, she tried to start a conversation.
  “Hello. My name is Rachel,” she said, holding out her hand.
  “Hi,” the woman responded without looking at her.
  “That’s my son Will,” Rachel pointed out to him.
  “He’s a nice boy,” she said, still not looking.
  There was a slight pause.
  “What is your name?” Rachel asked, hoping for more response.
  “Jenny,” she replied.
  “Pleasure to meet you, Jenny,” Rachel once again held out her hand to empty air.
  “Um… which one is yours?” Rachel asked.
  “The girl in the green shirt over there.”
  Jenny nodded toward the far side of the group, where a girl sat staring at the ocean. She seemed uninterested in the game the other children were playing.
  “She’s pretty,” Rachel smiled, “why isn’t she playing with the other children?”
  “Well,” Jenny hesitated, “She doesn’t really like playing with the other children.”
  “Why not?”
  “Uh… She’s been a bit of a recluse,” Jenny said, “ever since her father died.”
  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Rachel said, “If you don’t mind me asking, how did he die?”
  Jenny sighed and glanced at Rachel. She was relatively young, but her face implied age. Her eyes were dim and there were dark circles underneath.
  “He was murdered,” Jenny said flatly.
  “Oh, dear. I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
  Jenny sighed again and glanced at the ground.
  “No, that’s okay,” she said, “Most people don’t know how to deal with that kind of thing. That’s why I’m reluctant to talk about it.”
  “That’s understandable. My husband just passed away in January.”
Jenny looked at Rachel and let her grim expression fade a little.
  “Seems we have a bit in common,” Jenny said, “If you don’t mind, how did your husband die?”
  “He died in a car accident. His car got hit from the side. There was nothing that could be done.”
  “Three years ago, my husband was coming home from work, when he saw a man being mugged on the sidewalk. He stopped the car to get out and help him, but one of the muggers had a gun. He shot my husband…”
  Jenny paused.
  “He shot my husband and then ran away. The police never found the guy. It turns out the man he tried to help went home that night and committed suicide. It’s a shame that my husband died trying to save a guy that was going to kill himself anyway.”
  “I’m sorry.”
  Jenny sighed.
  “Hmm… so, what do you do a living?” Jenny asked, changing the subject.
  “Not much, I’m afraid,” Rachel looked at her hands, “I just write things like poems and short stories. What do you do?”
  “I own a restaurant over by City Hall.”
  “What’s it called?”
  “It’s called ‘Jenny’s Kitchen,’” she chuckled, “I’m not exactly creative when it comes to names.”
  “I don’t think I’ve been there before. Speaking of names, what’s your daughter’s name?”
  “Gabrielle.”
  “That’s pretty. It sounds like you’re not too bad about names,” Rachel laughed.
  “My husband named her.”
  “Oh, sorry.”
  “That’s the fourth time you’ve apologized to me. There’s no need to keep it up,” Jenny chuckled.
  “Sorry. Force of habit.”
  “Ah, see! There you go again!” she laughed, “Stop it!”
  “Sorry.”
  “You did it again!”
  Jenny and Rachel continued to chat about their lives and their children. They made plans to meet for lunch later that week, so they could keep talking. They noticed within each other similar humor and interests. Rachel was determined that they would remain friends from that day on. Jenny was simply thankful to be talking to someone who might just be able to understand where she was coming from.

  The other children liked Will a great deal. He had a lively spirit and made sure that everyone felt included. Gabrielle, however, still sat to the side watching her ocean. Will had tried to call and signal for her to come and play, but she had ignored him. In a last attempt, Will threw the Frisbee over to her. It landed in front of her, kicking up sand in her lap. She scowled at him, picked up the Frisbee, and threw it back to Will. She then turned her attention to a white sailboat sitting just below the horizon.
  Will passed the Frisbee off to another boy and went over to Gabrielle. She sat cross-legged, with her arm propped on her knee, and her chin resting in her palm. Her long auburn hair was loose and drifting with the wind. She was thin, but not sickly. Only her eyes betrayed her pain. As Will stood there staring at her, she tried to keep from looking at him. Will crossed his arms and tried to look as much like a tough guy as he could. For as skinny as he was, this was a real accomplishment. Gabrielle broke her stare and quickly glanced before reestablishing her gaze at the sailboat. Will’s composure broke and he laughed – to the dismay of Gabrielle, who now glared at him.
  “Why are you laughing at me?” she huffed.
  “What? I’m not laughing at you,” he grinned.
  “So, what were you laughing at then?”
  “I just couldn’t keep a straight face,” he laughed, “Why don’t you come play?”
  “I don’t feel like it.”
  She looked back to the sea.
  “Why not? It’s fun,” Will said.
  She looked at him again, saying nothing this time.
  “Well, if you don’t want to, you don’t have, but I thought I’d ask,” he shrugged.
  “Thanks, but I’d rather watch,” she said, turning her head again.
  “Are you sure?” Will asked.
  “Yeah, I’m sure.”
  Will looked over at the other children. They looked at him and motioned from him to come back, but he stood motionless. After a few seconds, he called back.
  “Go on without me.”
  He sat down next to Gabrielle and looked at her and then out to the ocean.
  “What are we looking at?” he asked.
  “Uh… that boat out there.”
  She pointed to her tall white ship that had been riding the horizon.
  “Wow! If only I had a boat like that!” he laughed.
  “What would you do with it?” she asked.
  “I’d sail to every beach in the world.”
  He sighed and smiled, as if in a dream.
  “Really? I don’t think I’d do much with a boat. They just look pretty.”
  She glanced down and sighed.
  “Yeah, but just going places is what’s so cool about them.”
  “Couldn’t you just fly somewhere?”
  “Well, yes, but you wouldn’t have the fun of actually going there.”
  “Hmm… I guess not.”
  Gabrielle looked at Will and then back at the sailboat. They remained silent for a second, which made Gabrielle nervous. Will noticed and tried to relieve the tension a little.
  “My name’s Will. What’s yours?” he asked.
  “Gabrielle.”
  “Where do you go to school?”
  “I don’t”
  “What?”
  “I’m home-schooled.”
  “Oh, really?”
  “Yeah.”
  “Uh… where would you have gone if you weren’t?”
  “I used to go to Mission before my dad died.”
  “When was that?”
  “Three years ago.”
  Gabrielle looked down.
  “I’m sorry,” Will said, “My dad died a little while ago too.”
  Gabrielle looked up at Will. Will smiled at her. Just as he was about to say something else, the Frisbee hit him in the back of the head. He laughed then got up. He looked for whichever one seemed the most mischievous and threw the Frisbee back.
  “Are you sure you don’t want to play with us?” Will asked again.
  “No, but thanks.”
  “Okay, then. If you change your mind, just come on over.”
  He smiled at her again and then ran over to play with the others. She weakly returned the smile and then looked down. She drew up a handful of sand. It was warm and soft. She let it sift through her fingers. As the last of it fell, she looked back out to sea, hoping to find her sailboat. It had sailed out of view.
  Her thoughts turned to her father. She remembered the time when she had asked him to take her sailing – one of his big passions. It was the year before he died. She remembered his voice, promising that he would take her out the following summer. The cruelty of death seemed all too real to her now.
  The sky grew a rich shade of amber and red as the day retreated into the night. One by one, the children left with their parents. Only Will and Gabrielle were left – their parents still enjoying themselves with their conversation. Will walked over to Gabrielle, who had not moved since their last conversation. He sat down next to her.
  “It looks like our moms are friends now,” Gabrielle noted.
  “Sure does,” Will said.
  Gabrielle paused, looking for words to what she wanted to ask.
  “You were about to say something before the Frisbee hit you,” she said, “What was it?”
  “Nothing, really.”
  “Must have been something,” she said, “Was it about your dad?”
  “I don’t remember,” he shrugged.
  “How did he die?” she asked.
  Will stopped for a moment to think carefully about how he would explain it.
  “He died in a car crash,” Will said, “Some guy ran a red light and smashed into the side. He was knocked out and couldn’t stop the car from going into the middle of the road. Another car hit the same place and he was dead.”
  “Where were you?” she asked.
  “In the back seat.”
  “Did anyone else die?”
  “No. Just dad.”
  “What about the other drivers?”
  “Oh, they felt really bad and said they were sorry. They talked to the police and tried to take the blame for it.”
  “How do you feel about it?”
  “Well… there’s nothing that could be done. I just have to remember that even if he’s dead, I still have him with me. He’s still alive if I keep remembering him.”
  The two seemed lost in thought.
  “What about your dad?” Will asked, “how do you feel?”
  She said nothing.
  “I can understand if you don’t want to talk about it,” Will said.
  “Oh, it’s just…”
  Gabrielle’s eyes were shifting. She had learned that this was a good way to hold back the tears.
  “… I… my dad meant everything to me. He was all that was good about life…”
  She found herself shifting her eyes and blinking more, but it wasn’t working well enough.
  “You don’t have to tell me,” Will said.
  “No, I’d like to, actually.”
  “Okay.”
  “Ever since he died, I’ve been afraid that death will take everyone else that I love. I thought that the only way I could stop that from happening would be to stop caring about anyone at all.”
  “I don’t think it works that way,” Will said.
  “It’s not enough for me to have memories, Will. Memories just make it hurt more.”
  “I didn’t say they don’t hurt.”
  “Then what do you do about it?”
  Gabrielle was no longer able to hold back her tears. Streams were flowing down her cheeks. Had she concerned herself with makeup, the sight would have been more amusing.
  “I mostly just keep going anyway,” Will said.
  “How?”
  “I don’t know. I just… keep going. It’s all I can do.”
  They paused.
  “Why?” she asked.
  “I don’t know.”
  “Just keep going, huh?”
  “Yeah.”
  Another pause. Gabrielle wiped off her face and looked at the ground.
  “That doesn’t make any sense,” she sighed.
  “I don’t know.”
  After a few seconds, Jenny came up to Gabrielle and kneeled next to her.
  “Time to go home, Gabby,” Jenny said.
  “Okay, mom.”
  “Hello, Will,” Jenny said, “I’m Gabrielle’s mom. Your mom and I are planning on getting together this week. Maybe you can come too. Then you can come and hang out with Gabrielle. Does that sound like something you’d be interested in?”
  “It’s fine with me,” Will answered.
  “Gabby?”
  “Yeah,” Gabrielle said, “that’d be fine.”
  ”Good. I’ll see you then,” Jenny said.
  Jenny and Gabrielle got up and started walking toward their car. Gabrielle briefly looked back and waved. Will waved back. Rachel put her arm around Will.
  “How many friends did you make today?” she asked.
  “I hope at least one.”
  “Me too.”